BUILDING SEASON! The Truth About Your Single Season...

I'm lying in bed with my Bible open to Proverbs 31. This passage of scripture is probably one of the most marked-up portions of my Bible — almost every line being scribbled with the pen and many other revelations I've received. But one keen revelation I've written on here always reassures me in my wait and it's this:

"Who you are determines who will find you. The reason a man who sits among the elders — a rich and wise man — found a noble wife is because that's what he's attracted to. A good man will find a good and noble wife. Be mindful and watchful of who you attract. Sometimes the kind of man you're attracting can be a reflection of the kind of woman you're showing up as. Am I a noble woman? Can I be seen as a noble wife?"

This profound revelation always settles me because of its truth. I've been intentionally single for many years now — most of the time, very intentionally. I actually committed to singleness my senior year of high school after an encounter with a guy I really liked, but he continued to do hurtful actions and pursue other women. I asked him why he'd continue to come back and show interest in me if he wasn't actually interested. His response was simple, because every time he returned, I was available to give him the love and attention he wanted. He was able to use me because I was available and EASY! That's the kind of man that I was attracting at the time.

In that case — what kind of woman was I? Was I even a woman at all? Or still a young girl desperate for attention and love myself? I think the latter. After that moment, I committed to singleness because the truth was, I was TIRED! I refused to allow another man to use me and put my heart through the hurt I'd experienced in wrong relationships, situationships, and distractions.

I committed to singleness back in the fall of 2018. It is currently the summer of 2023, and fall is soon approaching, meaning, it'd be FIVE YEARS that I've been single — whew, Chile, it's the ghetto! No, honestly, I'm kidding. Throughout college, my singleness grounded me. All of this isn't to say that I haven't had my moments where I was attracted to anyone or liked anyone, but I can tell you it's never gone far. I haven't had any form of intimacy with another man — and by intimacy, I mean not even holding hands or lengthy phone calls y'all.

During this time, God has truly been doing work on me. He's changed how I think and view life, myself, and relationships. He's matured and still honestly is maturing me. Something I've come to notice now is men don't approach me. If I'm being honest, I don't really know a man who's shown intentional interest in me over this past year. And I questioned God like God, am I the issue? What is this? Am I not pretty enough? Am I not woman-like enough? Am I not stable enough in where I am in life? What is it about me that isn't drawing the right kind of man ... and God reassured me through the scripture and revelation I told all of you.

Garnering male attention isn't enough. Whether I'm keenly aware of it or not, I have the attention of men — I'm beautiful, wise, intelligent, bold, and a woman of noble character. But I don't just want a man, I want a man of noble character who can love and cater to me, a woman of noble character.

We often highlight the Proverbs 31 woman, but we rarely remark on the kind of man a Proverbs 31 woman is attracting. Only the right type of man can handle the Proverbs 31 woman — and dare I add, you don't need the attention of every man, you need the attention of ONE man.

I believe if you're still gaining attention from many men, ask yourself, what kind of men am I attracting? Surely, they're probably attractive men, but are they men of God? Do they have a personal relationship with our Lord and Savior? Are they men of wisdom? Do these men value holiness and purity?

I believe Proverbs 31 women are harder to approach because it has to be a certain kind of man to approach that certain kind of woman. This man has to know God and truly love Him. He has to be a man that has accountability with mentors, elders, and a spiritual covering. He must be dedicated to serving in the House of the Lord. He has to be a man of ambition and greatness. He's a man of stability and wisdom. This man sits amongst elders and kings. He's a PROCESSED MAN!

What kind of men are you attracting?

Honestly, I believe that in specific seasons, God won't allow us to be pursued due to distraction and timing. If you can relate to me, where you see no men actively pursuing you — chill. Wait. You may not know it yet, but they're always watching. We often refer to Ruth and Boaz — Ruth positioned herself, and Boaz was watching Ruth. Later then, Boaz pursued Ruth.

So, Woman of God, Proverbs 31 Woman, POSITION YOURSELF. How do you position yourself, you may ask...

FOCUS! Focus on what God has given you now. What are you currently taking care of? How's your heart? How's your prayer life? How's your relationship with your family and friends? Are you working? Are you pursuing your dreams? Are you diligent in the work of your hands? Get to work doing what God called you to do now!

The Proverbs 31 woman didn't just start her business as a wife. Nor did she start waking up early, sewing clothes, or buying land as a wife. All of the things she did required skill and discipline — both of which take time to build! Your single season is your BUILDING SEASON! Invest in your future, invest in your marriage by first investing in yourself! And trust me, I know that I know that I know this one thing is true, the right man, one of noble character and wisdom, is watching and will pursue you.

I'm writing this amid my singleness, but one day, I'll write back to you all and tell you that God did it! These words I wrote above reigned true in my life, and a man of noble character pursued me. Until then, Women of God, Proverbs 31 Women, LET'S BUILD!