I AM HANNAH: Weeping Before the Lord

Recently, I was on my knees praying before the Lord. My words were few, yet fainter than a whisper. I was pouring my heart out before the Lord. And as I prayed, one tear after another dropped from my eyes. I came to the end of myself, and my prayer came from the depths of my soul, where lies desperation, yearning, and the pain of disappointment. Once it was all set and done, I looked down and saw a puddle of my own tears. These tears represent my heart's cry, my soul's anguish, and my great desire for God to hear and answer me. I am Hannah.

In 1 Samuel 1 of the Bible, we're introduced to this phenomenal woman experiencing a divine disservice. She's in a family of faith — where her husband and his other wife (which is a big no-no for me) go up to Shiloh to make a sacrifice to the Lord and thank Him. Shiloh means a place of rest, yet there was never a time Hannah went to Shiloh that deep distress didn't follow her. Hannah was taunted by her husband Elkanah's other wife, Peninnah. Every year, no matter how much Elkanah loved her, Hannah felt deep despair and shame because of her condition.

"Year after year it was the same—Peninnah would taunt Hannah as they went to the Tabernacle. Each time, Hannah would be reduced to tears and would not even eat." – 1 Samuel 1:7 NLT

I don't know about you, but there are some things in my life that I've been weeping about year after year, month after month, and day after day. There are some places in my life that, if God doesn't move, it prevents me from eating — or, in this instance, progressing. There are some areas of desperation in which I need God to intervene because I've been completely reduced to tears. My words are few, but my tears are many.

This scripture in 1 Samuel 1 is so powerful because every year, Hannah wept, but THIS YEAR, the Lord remembered her.

"Once after a sacrificial meal at Shiloh, Hannah got up and went to pray. Eli the priest was sitting at his customary place beside the entrance of the Tabernacle. Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord. And she made this vow: "O Lord of Heaven's Armies, if you will look upon my sorrow and answer my prayer and give me a son, then I will give him back to you. He will be yours for his entire lifetime, and as a sign that he has been dedicated to the Lord, his hair will never be cut." – 1 Samuel 1:9-11 NLT

As I read this scripture this morning, I asked the Holy Spirit, what made this year's weeping prayer any different? Why was it now that the Priest acknowledged Hannah? Why was it now that her prayer was answered?

I believe the reason why the Lord answered her prayer now is because of her vow. She said, God, if you give me a son, I'll give him back to you. In essence, her prayer was Father, give me a son to sacrifice to you — give me a son for your own use. Hannah was willing to sacrifice her ONLY SON back to the Lord. Doesn't that sound familiar? At this point, Jesus was in God's plan but not on man's radar. Yet, Hannah committed to do the one thing that God would do for us — sacrifice His only begotten son so that we may receive the reward of reconciliation.

The reason Hannah's prayer was answered is that she was willing to sacrifice her own indulgence and bragging rights so that the Kingdom of Heaven would manifest itself in her own bloodline. You see — Hannah's son Samuel became a great prophet; he was the one who ordained David, who happens to be in the lineage of Jesus, the Lord's sacrificial son. Hannah's vow to sacrifice gave God the right to orchestrate His divine will in her offspring.

Let me speak for myself here — how many times have I wept bitterly for my own will and not the Lord's? How many times have I come to a point of desperation where all I have left is tears, yet my heart's cry is still for bragging rights? My thought process remaining, 'Once I have this, I can do this. Or once I get this, I'll be better than them.' How desperately wicked and consuming our hearts can be without full understanding.

Sometimes, the Lord refuses to answer our prayers because He's transforming our heart's cry. At one point, I'm sure if Hannah is anything like me, she was praying, "Lord, give me a child so that Peninnah can no longer taunt me, but instead I can flaunt my blessing in her face." Trust me, it's human. When everybody has the one thing you lack, you probably want it, too, simply to prove a point. But this year was different. This year, God remembered Hannah because Hannah remembered God.

Before you get on your knees again and allow your tears to flow, ask yourself, why do I want what I want? And who will it glorify? Perhaps God's seeming delay may be his way of extending grace — so that the very prayer you're praying won't end in your demise. When we pray for things, people, and opportunities with selfish ambitions, it often ends poorly. Selfishness leads to us reaping a harvest that is wicked and not Christlike because God isn't selfish, He's sacrificial.

May I propose that before you pray about that matter again — and yes, I'm talking about the matter you've gone on your knees about year after year, month after month, and day after day — ask the Lord to change your heart cry. Pray to God and ask Him to adjust your motives so that every prayer you pray isn't simply for your own benefit but rather to advance His Kingdom agenda. I believe when we pray sacrificial prayers, God orchestrates His Will through our lives, our bloodlines, and our world. I'm sure the world would be a better place if more Christians gave back to God the things He blessed them with. When you're willing to surrender that thing to God and assign the purpose of 'For His Glory Alone' to it, God will hasten to respond.

If you're reading this and you realize that you've gotten it all wrong, let me encourage you — there's not a prayer that you've prayed that God hasn't heard. Nor is there a tear that dropped from your eyes that the Lord hasn't remembered. Read these scriptures below and embrace the totality of God's love for you!

"You've kept track of all my wandering and my weeping. You've stored my many tears in your bottle—not one will be lost. For they are all recorded in your book of remembrance." – Psalms 56:8 TPT

"Let my prayer be as the evening sacrifice that burns like fragrant incense, rising as my offering to you as I lift up my hands in surrendered worship!" – Psalms 141:2 TPT

Be encouraged because the Lord has heard your cry, and surely He will triumphantly respond. In the meantime, by no means should you be defeated. In fact, Hannah gave us the key to how to live in the meantime —

"In that case," Eli said, "go in peace! May the God of Israel grant the request you have asked of him." "Oh, thank you, sir!" she exclaimed. Then she went back and began to eat again, and she was no longer sad." – 1 Samuel 1:17-18 NLT

I don't know how long your wait may be, but go and eat! Go and enjoy the goodness of the Lord! Go and laugh again! Go and smile again! For there's no reason to be sad because the Lord has SURELY granted your request! Now, it's your time to go in peace. It's your time to experience your rest — your personal Shiloh — in the Lord!

Because not long after, as 1 Samuel 1:19 says, "and the Lord remembered her." My God, isn't He good? Briefly, after her sorrow, after she'd decided to surrender and change her countenance, THE LORD REMEMBERED HER! Put yourself in her place — the Lord remembered Morgan. The Lord remembered ___________." May I encourage you to know that YOU ARE NOT FORGOTTEN! The Lord is remembering you. Our God in Heaven is returning to His book of remembrance and looking at the record of your tears; He's looking at the record of your faithfulness and willingness to sacrifice. The Lord has remembered you.

Until the time of your manifestation comes, GO IN PEACE! May Jehovah Shalom guard your heart and mind. May He fill you with uncontainable joy. May He make you spiritually aware of His doings and wonderfully available to His works. I pray for you that the God of all Grace will pour His abundance out over you. As He did for Hannah, may He use your bloodline to orchestrate His divine will. May none of your sacrifices be forgotten, nor your willingness to serve Him come to an end. I pray that God would smile on you and that your countenance would shine like the breaking of noonday. As you seek the Lord, may you find Him — and in Him, be rightfully restored. In Jesus' Wonderful Name, I pray, Amen!

I don't know your story, but I rejoice with you in advance! I align my faith with yours and say that GOD DID IT! Whatever it is, I know it is finished! Go in peace, and as you go, encourage someone else to live in the fullness of the Lord too.

"This is the reason I urge you to boldly believe for whatever you ask for in prayer—be convinced that you have received it and it will be yours." Mark 11:24 TPT