Journeying with Joy: Holding onto God Despite Discouragement

Hey there, friends! It’s been months since I’ve written a blog, and quite honestly, it feels both a little refreshing and weird. So, where exactly have I been? Well, let’s get into it…

At the end of May last year, I heard a clear voice from the Lord instructing me to get off social media. This was surprising, especially since I had planned to launch various aspects of my social media presence that year. However, I chose to obey God’s guidance. I was hosting the Blossom in Singleness Brunch in August and didn't want to leave before that event, so I decided to wait. Later, at my church’s youth camp, I received a strong confirmation that it was indeed time for me to step away from social media and enter a period of hiding and waiting on the Lord.

Time passed, and soon, my event was over. I then decided to leave social media and unexpectedly stepped away from my blog as well to align with what God was doing in my life. Initially, it was hard, but eventually, it became easy. I no longer felt the urge to stay updated on everyone’s lives, and my mind became much clearer. I took fewer photos and simply focused on what truly mattered.

2024 was a very hard year for me. *Somebody please cue the song “Cry Me a River” by Justin Timberlake.* I never knew I had that many tears. It was simply an insanely hard year, and I continually battled with discouragement. I lost so much, or at least I felt like it. However, around the beginning of December, I had a major breakdown at church. (crying in public? that’s crazy) It was during worship, and I’d been praying intently to God, “Lord, restore unto me the Joy of my salvation.” I’d already been weeping on the floor earlier in the service, but then my Pastor began praying over us for joy – that God would give us the oil of gladness and the joy of our salvation. Whew, that broke me. Throughout my life, I’ve struggled to maintain my joy; it often feels like a fleeting friend instead of a constant companion. Yet, the truth is that God is Joy. And if God is Emmanuel, meaning God is with me, then shouldn’t His joy always be with me as well? 

The thing about joy is you often don’t realize it’s gone until it has already left. It’s hard to navigate life without joy, in fact, most times, you end up feeling hopeless and beaten down. Well, God met me at the altar that service in December, and I now realize at the point of my breakdown, God delivered my breakthrough. 

There are so many different reasons why 2024 was hard for me, and as it was coming to a close, I just kept repeating to God, “I can’t go another year like this.” Going another year, feeling disappointed, hopeless, and discouraged just couldn’t be in the books for me. I was doing the best I could, but I had so little to give. And it was getting harder to keep up the act. 

I’ve found that when you lack joy, it’s hard to share in the joy of others. However, in 2023, I learned through many offenses and pain points not to share the vulnerable and intricate details of my life with people I can’t trust. Around that time, I’d often worn my emotions and hard season on my shoulders. People could see what I was going through before I told them, and once I said it, that made matters worse. So I just started to shut up. I began to hide. I began to smile more, many times genuine, but more often than not, it was simply a facade to keep others from seeing the true pain behind my eyes. 

As I’m writing this, I realize that my words can make what I’ve been going through much more dramatic than it really is. I guess that’s the power of writing…?

But here I am, writing this blog on February 19th, 2025, whilst sitting in a local Starbucks and drinking my Venti Vanilla Blond Latte. As I’ve been navigating a season that has quite literally felt like a practical joke on the plans I’ve had for my life, I have learned so many things I want to share with you…

1. It’s not that serious.

The reason I say it’s not that serious is because it truly isn’t. It took me making a reel for my Instagram comeback earlier this month for me to realize how beautiful and full my life truly is. Even though I don’t have everything I want and how I want it, I have things that no one can take away from me. Since I was younger, I’ve known my purpose – to teach the Word of God, whether through a blog, social media post, or a microphone, I’ve always known this is my calling, and I’m confident in my ability to carry it out. In addition, having gone through other very hard seasons, like my Grandmother passing away, I've learned that it’s not that serious because it could simply be much worse. I may not have the relationship or degree, or whatever else is on my most wanted list, but I have the very things that make life full – Christ and Purpose. 

2. You have to bleed to lead. 

Okay, here’s the thing. I’ve been a core leader at my church, specifically a youth leader for teens, for a year now. Why didn’t anybody tell me that all of hell would be fighting me the moment God moved me into leadership? Mercy. In perspective, I see that my attacks, especially against my mind, self-esteem, and emotions, are directly related to the very things those I lead are facing and navigating. As a leader, you are the frontline of defense. If Satan can defeat you, he can attack those you lead. It’s up to me not to allow the demonic tactics to win but to go to my spiritual repertoire and use the weapons God has given me to fight against every attack of the enemy. 

I say you have to bleed to lead because you are required to endure pain to lead people. Much of the pain you’ll wind up enduring may be from the very people God has called you to lead. Don’t believe me? Ask Moses. But unlike Moses, a good leader can’t allow bitterness and anger to seep into their hearts, which will cost them the promised land. The goal is to enter into the promised land, not just lead people there. 

Last year, and even this year, I bled. I can remember so many times that I told God I give up. Yet He wouldn’t let me. The give up I was talking about wasn’t a give up on life, but rather a give up on this process. I recognize that my hardships are a process for the Woman God called me to be, as are yours, but we all have our moments when we just say, God, forget it, I’m done. Perhaps you’re a leader as well, maybe at your church, school, business, or workplace, my encouragement to you is to allow God to patch up the places you bleed. God is tender in loving us so much so that He knows exactly where to cut. But there’s no place that He allows us to be cut that He won’t put His healing balm on. Whenever you see yourself bleeding from the pain, I want you to look down and remember that our Savior bled first, and His blood is still speaking on your behalf. There’s no sorrow or pain you’re navigating that He’s unaware of and not with you in. He’s right there, forever and always. 

3. Not everyone can go with you. 

I’m sure you've heard this before. We all have. If this season of my life hasn’t taught me anything else, it’s taught me the power of a Godly and spiritually discerning community. I believe right now, I have the best community I’ve ever had in my life. The reason is that my community leads me right back to Christ. The center of our conversations revolves around Christ, leading others, and living out our potential. I wouldn’t be who I am or where I am today without my community, and that’s extremely powerful. 

I’ve lost a lot of friends along the way, and not just last year. For years, my friendships and relationships have shifted and changed. But as I reflect, I see that there are specific people who couldn’t ever be by my side in this season, and I’m okay with that. There’s grief attached to losing friendships, but sometimes the grief now is better than the grief later. I truly value having friendships where there’s healthy reciprocity, and trust is a very big factor. There’s a version of you that you give to the thousands, and there’s a version you give to the twelve… an even more intimate version you’ll give to the three. In understanding this, I’ve realized that my sweetest friendships are the ones where we may start the conversation crying and end it laughing – it actually can happen within the same hour. And the truth is, this is so hard to find, yet worth everything to fight for. So, if you have friendships and relationships like this or are desperately praying for God to bring them to you, my admonition is when you have them, fight for them, love them, and deeply cherish them. 

Remember Psalm 27:9 TPT says, "Sweet friendships refresh the soul and awaken our hearts with joy, for good friends are like the anointing oil that yields the fragrant incense of God’s presence."

4. Be determined to grow in God. 

This seems very cliche, especially because, as Christians, you definitely hear this at least once a week, but it is truly the key to thriving in your Christian walk. Despite the darkness I faced, God’s light continued to shine in me simply because I was determined to grow in Him. I never stopped clinging to the Word, prayer, and fellowship. The reality is sometimes that’s all you can cling to because it may just be all you have, and that’s okay. As I held tighter and tighter onto my Bible, I found that the Word began to bear fruit in me. I was no longer as easily shaken by the woes of life. As a Believer, the only way to grow in God is to be intentional about it. It’s not God’s job to read the Bible, it’s yours. It’s not God’s job to pray, it’s yours. Whether you do these things or not, God still loves you, but when you make it a daily discipline to do them, you start to learn how to love God, yourself, and others back. 

The only way God’s love can flow out of you is if you first intake it by dwelling in His presence. A scripture I came across today is Ephesians 3:17-20 TPT – “And I pray that he would unveil within you the unlimited riches of his glory and favor until supernatural strength floods your innermost being with his divine might and explosive power. Then, by constantly using your faith, the life of Christ will be released deep inside you, and the resting place of his love will become the very source and root of your life. Then, you will be empowered to discover what every holy one experiences—the great magnitude of the astonishing love of Christ in all its dimensions. How deeply intimate and far-reaching is his love! How enduring and inclusive it is! Endless love beyond measurement that transcends our understanding—this extravagant love pours into you until you are filled to overflowing with the fullness of God!”

There’s an infilling of God’s love waiting for you. On the other side of your seeking, you will be made full of God’s love. There’s no time you can enter His presence and leave empty. Keep going, and keep growing always, every single day. 

5. Keep digging. 

The inspiration for this lesson is found in Psalm 84:5-7 TPT – “How enriched are they who find their strength in the Lord; within their hearts are the highways of holiness! Even when their paths wind through the dark valley of tears, they dig deep to find a pleasant pool where others find only pain. He gives to them a brook of blessing filled from the rain of an outpouring. They grow stronger and stronger with every step forward, and the God of all gods will appear before them in Zion.”

If you dig deep past the dark valley of tears, you will discover a pleasant pool. The remarkable thing is that while others may only find pain, God has blessed you with the ability to find joy. Keep digging deep within yourself—beyond what you currently see and more than you have ever known. Look through the lens of faith that is before you; that is where God’s glory truly resides. As you dig deep within, you will realize that you are stronger than you ever thought possible. Your strength surpasses your abilities; it is rooted in who holds you. Your true strength is found in Christ.

It’s taken me until quite recently, honestly speaking, it was only the other day that I was truly able to grasp this concept of strength in my weakness. I’d found myself simply scrolling on social media, and the truth is scrolling on social media doesn’t give me the same satisfaction it used to. But it’s like God allowed me to come to myself, and I realized I was running emotionally, simply trying to run away from the reality of how I felt and being vulnerable before God. So I stopped and immediately just started to prayer journal. In that moment of weakness, with tears streaming down my face, I found strength—not from myself, but from God.

Lately, I’ve begun looking at myself in the mirror and simply saying, “I am strong.” This idea is one I want to explore further, likely in an upcoming blog post. The truth is, I am strong because God is my strength. God is my joy, and that is enough. That’s what makes life fulfilling and keeps me from giving up. 

I know this blog was much more personal than many of my blog posts are, and I have so much more I’d like to say about life, holding onto God, and where I believe God is taking us together, but for now, I’ll leave you with this scripture: “Never doubt God’s mighty power to work in you and accomplish all this. He will achieve infinitely more than your greatest request, your most unbelievable dream, and exceed your wildest imagination! He will outdo them all, for his miraculous power constantly energizes you.” – Ephesians 3:20 TPT.